My Blog

3months and less than a Hundred Days

2006-08-13T20:53:00.000-07:00

So my supposedly Last Site Duty has come to end. But I still wonder if my Site Duty life is over yet? Coming down from the Hilltop after my supposedly Last daily checks, I had the feeling that it wouldn't be my last time. Even, as I treated my dear friends on site to Mac as my final treat before I left the Site, I did feel kinda awkward.

Then, I got a call from my friend in office, now they are demanding double manning on site, meaning 2person per site and that very high chance, I would have to go back to site for another cycle... Wonder if its a good thing anot. I had already packed my bags and said my goodbyes to site but now, I am going back. Its really funny and not really a pleasent thing. On the other hand, its solves the huge problem of me having to fill my many working days left on my ORD calendar with my miserable leave. Now, with this site, I will be clearing my leave all the way, no need to think when to or when not to take leave.

Deep down in my heart though, I guess I do want to go back to site and I don't really feel like going back to office anyway.... Life on site is better and with double manning, it can only get better eh....

Anyway, less than a hundred days... I have always dreamt of when I will reach this benchmark, but somehow, when its here, its doesn't seem so special. Prehaps coz I still have quite some time remaining to serve out. Somehow, I am not in the ORD mood...

I really hope that as it gets closer, my ORD joy will not be dulled...

Don't spoil my ORD ecstasy please.

3months 3wks and to do or not to do?

2006-07-16T00:57:00.000-07:00

It is now a Sunday morning and I am feeling seriously bored. Just completed a game and kinda bored of playing Dota already. The weather is great, and its quite hard to feel down this lazy sunday afternoon. But here I am, typing and feeling very bored and quite down.

Its probably due to the fact that I have to go back to camp on Monday, something that I have not done in about a month. Even before I had stepped back in camp, I already got a call informing me to do this and do that when I get back. They just can't wait to dump work on me and I just can't wait to ORD. I just don't want to do NS anymore, simple as that. I don't want to go back as badly as they want me back to serve. I know I am about to ORD but its just seems too far away.

Which brings me to the question, should I continue doing site duty or not? Doing site brings me much badly needed off and somehows make time pass by faster. If I do site in August then probably when I am done with it, I can more or less get lost from the Army. But then, doing site is not that fun either, especially with Alpha. It is so boring there and sometimes I really feel like going back to office. Lol I know.

When I go back to Office, I really feel like going back to Site and when I go back to site, I start to kind of regret it...

Seems like ORD is the only option. Stop spoiling all my pretty Sundays.

A bad day fishing beats a good day working

4months 1wk and not Alpha plz

2006-06-27T06:31:00.000-07:00

One last cycle of Site duty and thats all folks. Site duty is generally fun and way better than what staying in office can offer. I always look forward to doing site duty mainly because it means I do not need to stay in office. However, the fact that I sleep like 12hrs and play game for 6hrs on site everyday sounds really good, and it is.

However, when you do site, who you do with also matters alot. Its the difference between 18hrs of sleep & game and 18hrs of pure boredom. Actually whether I sleep and play on site doesn't affect anything at all but apparently the flight that I am gonna do with are plain Garang.
Garang implies doing something to the extreme however silly or senseless it is. The more silly and senseless, the more garang. Btw, Garang rhymes with Wayang too and they often come together.
They rather me sit on the couch and watch TV than let me sleep. Somehow I don't see the logic but then when you are in the Army, what is logic?

Anyway, had a class outing with my 1st 3mths JC clz... Was really great and you get that warm fuzzy feeling with them(ok maybe i am exaggerating but its close). Really what a great bunch of people to be with and it kinda sucks when we have to leave.

Just realised that the reason I take off is not because I got something on. Its just that I don't want to be in camp. Its that bad.

4months 3wks and I dont really care anymore

2006-06-12T09:13:00.000-07:00

I hope time past faster than this but anyway I have already hit the 4months 3wk to ord. 3months to clear leave. Not much long to go and nothing much that can really happen or so I thought but sometimes it takes quite an incident to help us put things into perspective. Or at least re-evaluate our actions. Of course that means reflecting on our actions and where we went wrong and what we must do next.

The Incident: So I fell sick and went home to a clinic to see a doctor. So harmless and boring an action. But according to some control freak Army, it is not the case. You see, the one thing the Army is afraid of is the Civilian world. Mention the C word and the Army gets into a frenzy and starts to panic. Prehaps its something that they cannot control and it freaks them out or maybe the concept of a free world out there scares them shitless. Anyway back to my point, apparently a regular in the Army is totally against finding a civilian doctor and believes that every single one looking for a civilian doctor is malingering a.k.a faking it to get MC to get away from this shit-hole she dominates. Upon hearing me going to see a doctor outside of her control, she freaks out and demands that I be punished and I somehow end up having to stay in for 4weekdays unable to book out.

The Reflection: To me, staying in for 4weekdays is nothing. I have sort of been doing that for 1year already so its nothing to me. What I realise is that the Army is just something that doesn't really care what you have done right but only what you have done wrong and how it can get back at you. You see, the Army is in such a fragile state that it believes that in order to keep it all together it must punish any and every thing that goes out of way. The only way it can function is to create fear and punish punish punish to maintain that fear.

The Action: Well, if that is the way the Army is going to function then I am gonna go with the flow lest I be punished. I am going to dedicate all my energy to save myself from being punished and the best way to accomplish that in the Army is to do Nothing at all. Absolutely nothing. It is the safest and surest way. Prehaps what I have done wrong is trying to do some work for the Army. By even doing the slightest work means risking myself and I shall do that no more. I shall sit there and do nothing like what half the Army is doing anyway. Its not worth the effort in trying to do anything for the Army when the energy can be better used to avoid the punishment.
I don't care anymore and why should I.
Once bitten Twice shy.

Ain't no sweat coming from my eyes.

5months 1wk and Forever 19

2006-05-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

Forever 19. Thats what I wanna be. Turning 20 on today 30th May 2006 is kinda suxs. Now my age starts with the big 2. There goes my teens and tens. 19 was pretty much a watershed year in sort of a bad way. A huge loss of innocence, a big step up to facing reality and of crushed dreams and hopes. Spent my 19 feeling jaded mostly I guess. Taking A lvls followed by serving NS, I guess its hard to come by anything worse. Hopefully it all passes with 19. I just want the age, not what is happening that year.

Anyway, this turning 20 was pretty cool. Got to eat free lunch and dinner. California Pizza taste pretty good and eating zhi char with frens taste as good. Also got mouse and mousepad. Something I craved but couldn't bear to spend the money to get it. Isn't B'daes and X'mas excuses to indirectly buy things that you wanted but juz couldn't part the money for? I even got an off day for my B'dae certainly one of the best prezzie. Prezzie roxs but nothing beats me getting a sms from my Dad. Like omg can u believe it. Thanks to everyone.

My Dad told me that I am 20, one year older and wiser. I concur with the former and I gonna work hard on the latter. This 20 will also be the year I ORD(finally) and the year I enter University(hmm...). Although I really duno what is gonna happen this 20, no one does anyway, I'll just hope. At least if it all turns out not so good, there still ORD. It can't go bad, can it?

5months 3wk and going to site

2006-05-15T09:13:00.000-07:00

May, June and July. 3months on sites with 2weeks interval between. An ideal balance between office and site. And after that go clear leave and wait for Ord. My immediate plan and I hope it turns out fine. It seems a good plan to me but you always know what happens to good plans. They always screw up one way or the other and I hope it is not the case for once...

I guess its normal but I always have this strong resistance to change. I always like it as it is although it may be a change for the better. When I start to go site after some time in office, I feel kinda dread and when site duty ends, I can't bear to go back to office. Hope it doesn't me too badly in future coz I guess change is a constant.

Anyway, spending almost 2months in office is really quite a torture. Mental torture. Trying to navigate the bureaucracy in the Army is like navigating through burning coals. At least on site life is less complicated and more immediate. What needs to be done is done on the spot, no tomorrow do this, tmr do that and all the tmr worries. Just that I wonder if trading in a weekend for 2weekdays off is worth it... Sometimes it isn't I feel.

Well off to do site, and when my this site cycle ends its probably time for another post...
Till then seeya and Gd luck to my site duty.

6months 1wk and the importance of a good night sleep

2006-05-01T06:46:00.000-07:00

This 2wks seem awfully long since the last time I posted. I guess its because it was due to me being in office rather than on site. Site does have a good way of disorientating your preception of time in such a way that time passed like a blur. You never know if its sunday or monday then when you actually check the date, it is already tuesday. Blame it on the irregular work hours, waking up at 5.30am and then going to back to sleep at 12noon and then waking up at 4pm to work and then going back to sleep and repeating everything. If it does sound confusing to you, it confuses me even more.

Even worse, on the day you book out, you have to wake up at like 5.30am before going off at like 9.30am. Most probably you would go home and sleep but for those who think that sleeping at home is a waste of time since you should do it during your NS, you would just go home and start playing game, like me. And when you go out at like 8pm and stay to like 12mid night, almost 20hrs awake, you get really sleepy and then irritable.
And if, there are taxi drivers that drive past your taxi stand repeatably without a passenger refusing to pick you up bcoz they want you to make a call for the cab so you they can make that extra $2.50, you get really pissed off. Apparently paying you 50% ain't enough and you want that extra $2.50. It just makes someone anti-taxi.

Of course when you go home and get a good sleep, everything is forgiven when you wake up.
So, I'll still continue taking taxi, if I can get a good night sleep that is.

6months 3wks and everyone is leaving

2006-04-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

Its always kinda sad seeing your best friends leave. Since primary school to Jc your buddies have always been leaving you at almost every stage. Its slightly different this time round though coz some of them are actually leaving before me. We are not going our own seperate paths this time but rather me being left behind!

Also, this time its kinda bittersweet. Sweet coz they are leaving a worst place behind. Something that they have been waiting for years and something I am still waiting for.
Bitter coz I am so envious and simply sad to see them go. No one to share the pain and whatever joy there is.

I can't wait for my turn.
In case you dunno what I am talking about, its ORD.

7months 1wk and no more IPPT

2006-03-28T19:52:00.000-08:00

Firstly, I must congragulate myself on passing my IPPT and also achieving a silver while at it. I am just so happy or rather relieved passing it that the extra $100 is just a bonus. Anyway, that 100bucks is nothing really compared to what the Govt is giving out to the voters. Look at my sister, probably never even experienced the pain of running a 2.4km and still getting $800.
Well, I am too young to vote so no goodies for me. Well, we can't shortchange the Govt right? Must give them something in return I guess its not serving my NS.

So, my path to ORD is clear. No more SOC, no more ATP range, no more BBCDT and no more IPPT. Also, no one to keep on bugging and threatening me to pass all these acroynms.

Finally no more physical fitness test for like 4yrs at least and no more sleepless nights worrying about it. No need to stress over whether can pass anot and no more excruciating pain during that 2.4km run. Its hell really.

At least its all over now.

Onward to ORD!

7months 3wks and office troubles.

2006-03-20T05:55:00.000-08:00

Seems to be quite long since I last blogged and it seems I have probably lost some written memories. Life since them has been pretty uneventful which is of course a good thing. Anything which is not bad thing in the Army can be classified as a good thing I guess.

However, office politics, or so I think thats what it is, is getting to me. Hard to believe that a simple NSF like me can be involved in something so complicated as office politics. After all, I am not after any promotions, not that there are any. How isit possible that a bunch of friends working together in the Army simply waiting to complete their service in the most painless way get into such conflict. It can only boil down to those superiors and regulars in the Army or it can be simply also be a fault of the system itself. A system that is always breaking down and is only held together by lots of repair and hardwork is no good system.

Too bad, I am NSF you say and all I can do is to agree. Thankfully there is such a thing as site duty. Tough on the body is sometimes not as bad as it is to the mind.

Seems to me that the people close to me are drifting away and it makes me really sad and alittle afraid.

8months 1week and Site duty

2006-02-25T07:52:00.000-08:00

Time seem to be passing slower as of lately. The past 2days after this Chicken Pox thingy seems to be so much slower than the 2wks during the Chicken Pox episode. Thankfully, I am on Site duty, but then again, one should not say their Thanks so early. Doing Site duty is as good as taking a Gambling trip to the IRs. Either you win big or you lose big. You might want to keep doing Site duty after Site duty or you might swear never to go to do Site again.

On the good days, you will enjoy your time there as you will spend your time watching Anime(currently Gundam Seed Destiny, I Love it!) or movies(too many to be named) or even play games. Of coz, you will get lotsa of sleep time, like 12hrs?, and time will pass so fast.

On the bad days, you will get pimple outbreaks, sudden growth of white hair and spend 12hours cursing and still it seems that you have not gotten any closer to solving the fault since 12hours ago.

Seems this is like the 1st time I am talking about my site but then again, there is nothing really special about site. It is really boring and sometimes, boring is better than busy.

Listening to Bon Jovi's 'Welcome to wherever you are'. Sounds so Apt.

8months 2weeks and Chicken Pox

2006-02-17T07:53:00.000-08:00

Well its 8months and 2weeks to go. Not nearly as fast I wished time would pass but still I am glad.
Anyway, here is something you don't get everyday in your NS life. Chicken pox outbreak in my platoon. Yup, an outbreak, and that means quarantine. Quarantine means staying out and booking at 9am the next day. It also means we can hardly do any work coz we can't get in contact with anyone. Of course, those lucky 'victims' of chicken pox get like 20days of bliss.
Chicken pox don't hurt when you got 20days MC. Trust me on that.

I really love this Chicken Pox life and though I am not so fortunate to actually contract it, it certainly has made life much better for me. Sitting in office the entire day reading Samurai X comics and getting lunch delieverd to your doorstep. I am getting so fat.
Also, No one to actually come disturb you coz they are so turned off by the huge amounts of Dettol we dump at the entrance, making them feel like they are entering a Pallative care ward.

Of course, not everything is rosy. What is life without some backstabbers and jealousy but I shan't comment more. Just say some people in Army love to build their careers on the suffering of us NSF. We are so expendable after all and there are new ones to crush every now and then so often.

Well, I guess such things do make life abit more interesting but sadly gotta end soon. Anyway, enjoy while it last.

9months and still the same feeling

2006-02-05T05:45:00.000-08:00

It doesn't seem to have changed that much. Maybe time has diluted it abit but it still seems to be as before. And it seems that for the next 9months, its probably still gonna be the same save for prehaps a single day. The dread and of booking in and the shadow of your liability.

Can't help but always think 'what if tmr was an off or there is work at all'. So feel like taking off, so feel like taking Mc for the next day when i have to book in. But it never happens.

Right now as I am typing this, I am feeling IT right now... What a torture. So stuck in life and doing such meaningless stuff and basically not moving on with life.

Duno why but I just gotta blog this down. Doesn't feel like it helps tho.

9months and quite Safe

2006-02-02T07:19:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese New year. Haven't even counted my Ang-Bows yet but not don't really expect much. Frankly such an occasion is only bearable for the Ang-Bows. Not really into visiting my relatives and undergoing interrogation. Always the same old questions and comment. You grown taller/shorter/fatter/thinner/smarter/dumber. The only thing that will save you is probably getting good result and/or getting into some real good course in Uni. Of coz a scholarship is priceless. Scholars are the highest class of citizens in Singapore after all.

Anyway back to unit after CNY and its Feb. 9months to go only. So happy. Time is indeed priceless and the time I have done is Ns is really priceless... Priceless becoz its time that has passed by and no need to be done again.

Today in unit was pretty fun. Meet up with all those unit guys and at least not as lonely as on site. Played soccer and felt so good after some PT and exercise. Then the bad news came... Arrows for all the Parades and stuff... Basically Golden arrows.
Luckily, I had my share of Golden arrows and they don't really stick to me that well anymore. Its like chicken pox. Get it once and its really hard to get it the second time. Even if you desire to get it again...

So, pretty much site and site for the forseeable future. Anyway off to play so Dota. I am so bad at it but its still so fun. So perverse.

9month 3weeks and relatively carefree

2006-01-13T07:17:00.000-08:00

Was walking around Jurong East today and meet a girl that I quite liked during my jc days... Trailed her abit and hung around abit and so seriously flushed. Feels good to have such stuff once in a while. Adds that extra spice to life.

Been catching up on reading some of the blogs I haven't read for some time and I realised that I am leading quite a carefree life relative to them. No results or promotion to compete for, no need to worry for the future, meeting good frens and getting pay constantly every month. Also, no outfield of course.

Anyway, check out my new tv!! Ps2 stuck in between too!

10months... My One year done.

2006-01-07T21:04:00.000-08:00

Jan07 05.
I wonder if anyone ever forgets his enlistment date. What goes through his mind and how heavy the heart felt. What expectations or trepidations. What excitment or what dread. Enthusiasm or Hate. I still remember mine.

Jan07 06.
1year has passed and I still remember. Like it was yesterday. More vivid than my many other memories. So much trepidations, dread and hate. Every boat trip there was pure sadness and every boat trip back was pure joy. 10 more months and I will be looking back on all of this as just a past, distant and prehaps good memory.

Anyway, just finished watching my Jap drama serial, Densha Otoko. I liked it. It may have quite some poor acting(by the guy mostly, the girl I forgive for being so cute). May have been so over-exaggrated and so damn melodramatic (due to the guy poor acting again).
Still, it was a nice romantic ,though somewhat unbelievable, story and the girl was really pretty. Classical japanese beauty indeed.

Somehow, as I was watched finished that show, I was not quite as touched as I thought I would have been. If it was me watching this show during my sec sch days I would have been quite crazy into it and keep thinking about it but somehow I did not feel that way now. I wonder if it was just that I have grown up and being more mature about it or that I simply do not believe that such love is possible.
Have I given up hope on romance, is that what u call a hopeless romantic?

In sports and studies, talent is much more important than effort. But in Love, effort is so much more important than talent, it is almost everything.---Densha otoko.

A better year. Prehaps?

2006-01-01T23:40:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year. Welcome to 2006. My ORD year.

2005 has just passed by and frankly, I feel that it has been pretty much the worst year of my life.
Enlisting into the Army was bad, getting my A'lvl result was worse. Frankly, just read my previous post and you can tell how depressing and down 2005 was for me. I am just so glad to see it go by.

However, there is indeed one thing that is postive for me in 2005 and it really is and will always be a really great thing. That thing would be meeting my friends in Army. From Bmt to SI to driving course to my current unit I have always met the best of friends. It was they who made this 2005 bearable and made me feel a whole lot better. Some of them have gone their own ways. To other units or to study but for those that are around me, I am thankful and for those who are not longer with me, I am sure we'll meet and smile on the streets one day.

Once, my friend commented that after reading my blog, he could not believe that I was so jaded with life in general coz I always seem to be spritely and smiling around him. The truth is because he was around.
So, to all my friends, though I have never said it, I wanna thank you right now, down here.

Anyway, 2006 holds much hope for me. Especially Nov'06. But in meantime, I hope not to procrastinate, get my driving license, teach some tuition and do some reading...

Densha Otoko is quite a good show!

If I die in a combat zone

2006-01-01T10:20:00.000-08:00

        If I die in a combat zone
                    Tell all the people in homeland
                           That I did my best.

                       If I die in a combat zone
                     Tell that pretty girl of mine
                   That I bring best memories with me.

                       If I die in a combat zone
                        Tell all my best friends
                      That I died facing the gun.

                       If I die in a combat zone
                     I don't need my name on grave.
                      Etch instead that there was;
                   A man who lived, fought and died

FF7 personality test.. Cute

2005-12-28T08:43:00.000-08:00

Hmm...

You are TIFA. Sweet, caring, and I bet you can make
a damn good B-52 shot...

What Final Fantasy VII character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

A Dream on Christmas Eve.

2005-12-23T19:39:00.000-08:00

I love Christmas Eve. Its the one holiday eve that I enjoy the most. Prehaps its because of all the protraying of Xmas as a beautiful day complete with snow and goodwill. Nevertheless, I still feel great joy and a huge sense of inner peace, although it doesn't snow here. The tunes on Xmas are the most soothing and the movies are the most heartwarming. Its just a great festive.

However, I reckon this might be my worst Xmas so far. I have not written any Xmas cards, have not wrapped any presents and doubt I have brought much joy to many people lives. This has indeed been a strange year for me and it certainly has not been pleasent to me. More lows then highs, more downs than ups. Still I am thankful for coming so far and my present situation. Its just that I am feeling bored this festive, or prehaps, I have been feeling bored this whole year.

Anyway, there is certainly something special about this Christmas eve. I had a wonderful dream to wake up to this christmas eve and it brings some joy and hope to this season and some christmas warmth to my heart.

Well, the dream was about best friends, love and marriage. Ain't it enough.

Merry Xmas.

10months 2weeks

2005-12-17T07:06:00.000-08:00

Yup.... Its coming closer.. The days are long but the years are short... So apt. Feeling bored mostly but its much better than having an lots of stuff to do and stressing yourself out. Isn't to stress over finding something to do much better than stressing over something that has to be done.

This week was pretty good. Got lots of sleep and fairly relaxed but still getting things done well. Isn't this the way to go? But no, apparently the Army pays people to ensure that everyone is seen doing something and to make a fuss out of doing nothing. Its an art only the Army is capable of. Its after all taxpayers money.

Spent this whole sat at home chilling. Stupid stuff I bought from Malaysia not working. Wonder if its them or my com... anyway, my com is asking for an overhaul, gotta give it one soon. ^^
Been delaying booking my trip coz one of the trippers is well, tripping over all his leave and admin stuff... Quite sian... Would be cutting it too fine when I actually start booking. Hope it works out well.

anyway. to sum it up
Your estimated Service Balance is 329*.
Your projected ORD date is 06-Nov-2006*.
This record is updated on 12-Dec-2005.

11months

2005-12-11T05:19:00.000-08:00

Hmm... Life seems better now. Feeling pretty contented and nothing much I really need now. Just alot of wants as usual. But then you never know... Such is life and such is the Army. Of course theres always hope.

Life in office is so much better especially with Sswo not around. Its less stressful to be around in office and still we get work done as well if not better. Wonder why we even need her around at all...
Anyway, passed my Range... So relieved and glad. Life at range really suxs. So glad I passed even if its only by 2shots. Now only thing left before ORD is IPPT and 11months. Ippt is really one big headache for me. Gonna cause me lots of hardship and pain but I believe I shall overcome.

11months. If you ask me, its a long time coz I have just done 11months of my Army life and all I can say is that it SUXS. But somehow I feel that the coming 11months would not be that bad and I hope I am right. Glad to have a degree of stability and certainty in my life and glad for all my friends and of course for God for hanging around always. Thanks so much...

Things I want to say to myself at this halfway mark: Hope the bad half is over and the coming half is good. Glad to make it here alive. Congrats.

Tears and Rain

2005-11-28T05:22:00.000-08:00

Aww.. Feeling sick again. Think prehaps its time for a MC. But, then again, seems like it would not be too good to take an MC. Got range on thurs and doing marshalling with my friend and don't think i wanna play them out with an MC. Too evil and I guess thats what the Army binds you with, having others suffer for your misdeeds.

Anyway, been raining these few days and here I am happily thumping my keyboard enjoying the rain and the coolness. Its really great weather. That is, when you are at home with a proper shelther. Still remember my outfield experiences with the rain and of course site duty with 'cooling weather.' What a contrast indeed. Sitting comfy at home next to the window taking in the breeze as compared to cramped up in the rover with your underwear soaking in the rain and having it stay wet for the next 24hrs. Terrible feeling I assure you and it makes you appreciate the rain in really different ways.

Site duty just ended and it really seems weird going back to camp. Trying to plan my weeks leading up to christmas. Trying to lessen the pain till christmas come. Then, gonna have to plan for the weeks ahead again. All the way till ORD. Doing site after X'mas again till Chinese new year. Really enjoy the off that comes along but it seems to blow up all your weekend. 1day weekend just seem weird.

At home, its Rain. Outfield, its Tears

Btw passed my Final Theory, going to get my license soon ^^.

Thailand(So the story goes)

2005-11-15T07:17:00.000-08:00

Juz got back from site duty. Quite shiok. Played so much Winning Eleven with Kaimin and watched so many movies with Maj Ant. Anyway, keep forgetting what I wanted to write on this blog. I always think of what to write before I actually blog but when it comes to it, I just forget... Bad. Anyway, juz met up with Tian Gui today, went to TCC and chatted till quite late. Hope I am as lively when I turn his age...hehe.

Anyway back to Thailand. We landed at Bangkok international airport. Seems like nothing is beating Changi airport that soon, at least regionally. The airport is like in the middle of the city surrounded by so many highways. You can so smell the pollution. Anway, 1st day was fun, checked in and its back to shopping. Spent so little and got so much... Felt so worth it...

Anyway, 2nd day was to Pattaya. Shopping wise, its bad but entertainment wise, its a different story. Watched a carabet show. Man, those 'girls' were like more feminine than most of the girls I know of. Haha. Went to the beach there too. Pretty good but nowhere near Australia's. I guess to many tourist spoils the environment. Anyway, spent a bomb there, like 2.1k baht in a morning. Thats the most i ever spent in a single outing... Still can't say it wasn't really worth it but Ouch.

Anyway, kinda think this story is getting abit boring and I can't really be too bothered to write it now. I'm so lazy....

The Thailand trip (prologue)

2005-11-04T22:52:00.000-08:00

So am back from Thailand. So sad its over so quickly and now I am quite sick. Can feel its going to be quite a bad one since i haven fallen sick for over a year now. MC plz.

Anyway, trip was great. Was also my 1st time travelling with frens and without parents. Seems more fun travelling wif frens juz that there always seem to be a money shortage. You don't have to keep thinking about your money when with parents I guess.

Went to the airport at 9am on sunday 30th morning. My 1st time on taking a train there. Felt shiok alighting at changi airport instead of pasir ris. Mrt was really near the check in counter. Wonder how come I never noticed? Anyway, ate BK with cs and liwei. Duno why but airport BK is always the best. Creemy cheese and hot bread, nuff said. Shopped around the airport waiting for the PSC and A*star scholar. Holiday mood so everything seems so fine. Wanted to buy stuff but then again better not. Finally our dear scholars arrived. Collected tickets, snapped away with our digicams and then check in.

Apparently, I failed the baggage check. One of the jack knife I kept in my bag from outfield was detected and I was not allowed to bring it onboard. I hate terrorist. Think the place after you check in is much better. Not bcoz you are able to see the planes and you can shop more but its simply the more "i am gonna leave this damn place feeling". Then the moment we've been waiting for. Boarding. Liwei 1st time can tell he so excited.

So clutching my passport and 8500baht I boarded the plane too.
Argh, no window seat. Damn.

ANYway, its 6NOV 2005.........1more year to go

Its over, Aoe at least.

2005-10-23T07:38:00.000-07:00

So its over. As promised. Freaking Aoe. Stupid outfield deployments. Lame wayang. But at least its over. Frankly, could hardly believe that it even started. Isn't it good living in denial till it is over? Wish I could do the same for other stuff.

Anyway, no more waking up at 6am to do all round defense proning in mud and all. No more sleeping at 3am sweaty and absolutely shagged out. No, its not sex. In fact the direct opposite.
Just the muted euphoric feeling when something you wanted and waited for badly actually happen. Too happy to feel happy or just muted or you have probably fantasized about that moment so much it loses its meaning when it happens. Anyway, I am glad its over. No need worrying about my stores or how sucky I am gonna feel when I am going for deployment. Hopefully and probably will be my last outfield for my NS life.

Now I am so looking for my Thailand trip. Like the dream after the nightmare. Frankly, I can hardly wait. Life seems so much better now eh.

Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.

One more Week

2005-10-16T07:09:00.000-07:00

To be exact 5more days and I'll be here again at this computer typing again. Boy, do I so look forward to it. It would really sorta mark the halfway point in my Army life. Hopefully leaving the bad part behind and beginning the good part. Too bad, I am not so delusional, there isn't a good part in this Army business juz prehaps better.

Frankly, I am really tired of this. All the outfield deployments. Moving out at like 9pm and being so sweaty, stinky and tired before you can sleep at like 3am. Laying all the lines, doing all the camo, hammering all the pickets. Its really Sian and I hate to have to do it all over again. Its like visiting the dentist to do a root canal or tooth extraction, you know its going to hurt and yet you have to do it. Just that this time around, its not an half hour thing but rather a couple of days thing. Actually its only like 2days 2nights but you kind kinda feel as though its frigging long coz you are actually working thru the nights and its really non-stop. I really hate to go do it again.

The only thing that is really keeping me going is that this week would be the last time and I can really look forward to more time relaxing. Taking a couple of days off and going off to Thailand for holiday with my mates.

One more week to go.
To better times.

He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed.

2more Weeks.

2005-10-08T23:17:00.000-07:00

Been some time since I blogged but couldn't really help it. Had deployment every single week since my last post and its helluva tiring. Sleeping at 2 am and waking up at 6am isn't exactly refreshing. Well at least not for 3days running. And so is sleeping halfway and discover that the your tent is leaking and you have to take your safari beds and do all round defense with your buddies to prevent the rain from soaking you further.

At least I get to get back during the weekends and write this stuff. I always feel that I do lose abit of memories when I miss a chance to blog coz there are juz so many memories to put into words and I hate to miss them. Anyway next week will be a full AOE mockup. Aoe is sorta like an Army exam where you have to spam 'wayang'. The things I have to do for this you would not believe even if I told you so I guess I shall not.

Haven been going out for my frens for almost 3weeks now. Guess I am simply too tired and bushed out to really go out. So sorry. 2more weeks to go my dears. This is sort of like a an outfield immunity challenge. Hopefully and very likely it there would be like little or no more deployment after this AOE crap.

Anyway, to sum it up and to tell you how crap shit it is, I shall quote what a driver who was there and had just came actually came out of DB. Yes, DB.

As we were carrying sandbags, he said: "That was what I was doing in DB". LOL

I am no Outfield Person

2005-09-19T08:08:00.000-07:00

Finally back from this 5-day field camp. Well to say the least, this is probably the least terrible field camp I have been to since I enlisted, But then again, I have only been to like 3field camps before. But still, its better than nothing. Mind you, it wasn't even near enjoyable but rather just not terrible only.
Waking up at like 3am to draw arms is not fun. Neither is working till like 12am the next day. Or when it rains when its the coldest time of the day especially when you are sleeping and being so freakin hot the next day when you have work to do. Also not being able to shit or bath in 5days is, you know, farking bad.
But again, being able to sit there and not much do much shit work is not too bad at all. So is being able to drink Coke with Ice outfield. Still remember in my time in BMT when I was in field camp which I could kill for either Ice or Coke. Still I don't really like it one bit.

I am treating my butt sores for sitting in the damn rover so long and I got a fricking Pimple Outbreak... Is getting 450 worth it?

Anyway, something pretty much surprised me during this field camp and it wasn't about the field camp itself. Before I left for the field camp, one of my bestest fren had no indication whatsoever that he was in love or chasing any gal But when I called him on a saturday night out of pure boredem, he was like telling me he, and I quote, "Am Seeing Someone."

All the best my dear.

Middle of Sunday Noon

2005-09-11T04:21:00.002-07:00

I remember hearing this song that had the lyrics "Worrying is like trying to solve Algebra by chewing bubble gum. The real worries are those that blindside you on a lazy Tuesday noon."

Well apparently, something struck me this Sunday afternoon and I guess I could classify it as a real worry.

No, it wasn't that I am going to have an outfield deployment from the following Thursday to the next Monday, burning my Weekend along the way and No, it wasn't that it is going to be really tough and uncomfortable for me. Although as much as dreaded it, I was not really worried by it. After all I guess it would pass me by soon.

Rather it came to me as I was sitting there lonely and not really enjoying what I was playing on the computer. It was hollowness of the life I am leading now. All along my Army life, I always looking forward to booking out for the weekends. Now, however, it seems that I do not know what I am booking out for other than for sake of doing so and for the fact that it brings the death of my Army life a week closer.

Do not get me wrong please, I have always looked forward to booking out and I am sure thats gonna be kinda how I lead the rest of my Army life. Neither isit that I have no friends to go out with or play games with, I am sure they would have loved to go out with me if I wanted so, or at least I hope so.

Rather it is that there is nothing out there that really interests me at the moment. Before I go out, I would ask myself 'Go out for what?', whats there meaningful to do. Before I play a game I would ask myself 'Am I playing coz I really enjoy the game or isit just a way to pass off time?'.

And I always fear the answer. I fear that I am losing my zest for life. I sit there on a perfectly fine Sunday afternoon with much time and I do not know what to do, nor do I feel like doing anything. Am I wasting my life like this?

As I go off for this Outfield deployment this weekend, I hope to find at least abit of the answer.

If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years.

Sillier Things in Life

2005-08-31T05:05:00.000-07:00

Could not help but get this out of my mind. Near my house was this covered open space that has been a site for weddings for those not so fortunate to be able to afford a grand hotel reception. And whenever I travelled to and fro camp, the sight of a wedding simply adds colour and abit to life to that otherwise dour neighbourhood and it does slightly liven up my life. However, on my trip back home today I was horrified to see that the authorities has decided to erect unslightly monstrous barriers for what I presume was to prevent people from playing Soccer. And I guess it was also the end of the place as a wedding venue.

So silly and I could not help of the incident when someone decided to place paralysis-causing barriers on an overhead bridge. What does it exactly cost for the young to have a place to have fun and a place for people to have wedding. All that is left of now is a exactly nothing. Just another neighbourhood with no life at all.

I am just sad for it all.

Another week in Life

2005-08-28T01:45:00.000-07:00

Past week in Army was pretty good. Not enjoyable-for me at least-but not bad. To sum it up all I can say is that I would not mind spending my Army life as such. Although I suspect that there is a conspiracy to prevent me from watching EPL soccer with the freaking stupid timing of the matches. Horrible.

Anyway, caught up on reading blogs, mails and managed to do abit of surfing through Friendster. Seems to me that everyone is leading a so much more interesting life, more than me at least. So enviable and it just ignites a tinge of jealousy in me. Can't help but ponder about my own life at the moment and feeling that I am living for the sake of it. Nothing really excites or even pushes me. The most exciting feeling I get now is when I book out and it really says how despondent a life I am leading now. Wonder if I can even call it a Life.

How long is a year Really?

Be Happy, Be Healthy and prehaps Wealthy.

I.P.P.T

2005-08-20T09:44:00.000-07:00

Last wednesday, I received bad news. Those who failed IPPT cannot only book out on wednesday night and only on Saturday 10am. In case you don't know, thats very bad news. The nightmare of every sane NSFs.

Sadly for me, I fell into that category although i had not offically failed the IPPT but nor have I offically taken IPPT. So, my warrant deemed me offically failed especially after looking at my PT results. SBJ barely 200cm, 2.4km almost 13mins. Not very encouraging I muz say.

So Lan Lan. Stay in till I heard that Saturday got IPPT test. Then thinking, what the heck never take also fail, take also mostly fail, might as well go try or take it as practice lor. Start to psyche myself up. Rest as much as possible, drink alot of water, order garlic bread from pizza hut and go shit. The last 2 being v.impt. If you wan to know why ask me.

So the big day arrived. Situps, easy 40. Run, ok la 10.3secs. Then Standing Broad Jump. I know i have always been weak with it but then I thought that I had a new technique tested on Thurs night and working well.
So I jumped. 210cm. Fark!
Try again. 212cm. Shit!
Last try 212cm again. DIE! stay in le!!!

So my Sir say go take a rest and try again. So already so depressed and with everyone telling me their 'secret methods that are as good as telling me to do pullups by simply just pull la!'
Trying again, closing my eyes and swinging my arms forward as hard as I could without dislocation I just jumped with no technique at all.
And when I opened my eyes. 225cm! Got chance le!

So did 6pullups next and go run 2.4km. Seriously I freaking stress at that time coz 2.4 is not exactly the easiest station and if I fail then, stay in lor.
But then run and run, then discover that I came in 1st! Then thinking since 1st le, then if i fail then everyone muz haf failed la. So according to the law of probability, I think I passed la.

10.57mins. Thank you. 1st time in my life got 10+ timing. Can't freaking believe it and also so freaking proud of myself. Duno wat my warrant will do when she sees it. Haha.

Overall Result: PASS(2more chin-ups to silver.haiz)

Well in case, all you fitness freaks out there wonder why I making a drama out of a mundane thing such as IPPT, the answer is coz I have tons of problem clearing it and its a ton on my shoulders. Juz ask those who got difficulties with IPPT. I m sure they will emphatise.

Happy Ndp

2005-08-10T06:20:00.000-07:00

CC, Des & Me

Well, at least NDP is over. Can say its a case of bittersweet. More bitter than sweet for me. I am sure its a surprise to everyone plus me why I would say that. Buring your weekends, your glorious saturdays. Even me of a about a month ago would be horrified.

But then it turned out better than I expected really and I am kinda sad that its over. I really would not have minded it going on for a much longer period. The people there were nice and at least sincere, a somewhat rare commidity nowadays. Also, I get the monday off, effectively making the week a 4day one. Finally and most importantly I get to avoid getting shot by arrows.

xxx: 'guard duty this weekend'
Me: 'Ndp duty'

xxx: 'Ops duty on tues(means wasting ur holiday for the lamest reason)'
Me: 'Ndp duty'

xxx: 'Do something that burn your holiday and make u feel like shit'
Me: 'Ndp duty thanks'

I also noticed something that really got me and it was the participants there. Although they were no scholars, Air-level holders but just rank-and-file workers like bus & train drivers or cashiers they seem to be the ones really enjoying the parade. They somehow remained cheerful and fun all the way. Never down, never sian. I guess its their carpe diem attitude that they acquire by not going through too much govt education which tells us to think, plan, fear the future coz in future you are going to get old and die lonely and sad and suffer from cancer, kidney failure and diabetes and if u are lucky enough you might just go with a heart attack.

Simply put, they seem to me as the only ones truly enjoying the parade.

They may not know much knowledge, no bio doctorate no physics PhD but no worries that are so implanted in us.

Fugitive

2005-07-31T04:24:00.000-07:00

Last week seems to be a hell of a long week(pun intended) but at least its over now... Had Change of command parade on monday and had off on tuesday. So i was back to unit on wed.
Now, I was thinking, hmm wed, thurs and fri. Just 3days and it'll be weekend. Should be really fast. WRONG.

It did seem like, feel like a full week altogether and i guess i now know why. Thats coz i was living sorta of a fugitive life sitting in the office and doing nothing. Now, i know many would scream and shout that doing nothing is the best thing done. I would kinda agree a couple of months ago but not now coz doing nothing is like wearing a shirt printed with a target board and begging for arrows to hit you. And as you all know, getting shot by arrow is not pleasent and no, I don't mean the physical pain.

So, most of the time I spend the time trying to look busy and live in the fear of arrows and trust me, spending time wishing time to past quickly has the most extreme opposite effect and by murphy's law, an arrow oughta shoot you in that now extended time frame. So now i live my life now hiding from arrows like a...how do i describe it... fugitive.

And this is a painfully long process.
Anyway, on the brighter side, marshalling NTUC for NDP has really quite good perks. I mean lunch and dinner at The Oriental. Why not.... hehe

Time you enjoy wasting is not time wasted at all.

Hell Week....Maybe

2005-07-24T04:59:00.000-07:00

Last week was really a busy week. Had Ndp duty on saturday, drill practice for CoC entire week and Ndp duty again this saturday... My friend that has not touched a rifle or done drill for like 6yrs is now a master of rifle drill.

Doing drill the entire day the entire week is absolutely no fun especially when you had a cut short weekend due to ndp.. Luckily Ndp was bearable if not quite fun. For once i am not involved in the drill and all i had to do was to lead my NTUC contigent around and i get 1day off. Not so bad a deal eh. Not to mention also that i get to see so many pretty gals. I mean every guy's eyes were pratically following those gals around.

During that time i also talked to a NTUC member and he was telling me his job. It was like fighting out with the employers for better benefits and pay for the workers especially those with lower education and avoid them being ripped off by those Oxbridge grads. And he really believed in it and I was like saying 'NTUC is not the cashiers meh'

I am ashamed and I would volunteer for Ndp next year. Only as a marshaller.

Bitter

2005-07-15T05:26:00.000-07:00

That was how I felt when I first heard about National Day duty. Bitter. Just when Friday was here and I was preparing for the weekend out of the blue I was told that I had to sacrifice 4 saturdays doing National day duty. Starting from the immediate Saturday. Immediately all my plans were cancelled not by choice but by force or should I say fear.

When one enlist into the Army, one would always try to reason out that he is at least protecting the country or so we have been told. Thus prehaps not feel that bad that one is being forced against his will to do so. But certainly...

One does not expect to spend his time ,especially what precious saturdays they have left with their loved ones, to putting up a parade to entertain the masses for the pleasure of their viewing.

One does not expect to spend his time tying flags or hanging banners or be involved in handicraft to decorate the environment for the pleasure of his superior officers.

One does not expect to spend his time working since the sun has set till the sun is up again and not be given any rest for it especially when it is promised to them.

One cannot help but feel, what the heck am I doing this crap. I am bitter.

RTU

2005-07-07T05:35:00.000-07:00

Still remember writing in my vehicle logbook 'tampines-rtu'. Rtu standing for 'return to unit'. Still recall being so happy that i passed driving on my first try and no longer need to stay at sembawang camp. Well, now that i am back to my unit i sorta kinda regret it cause so much sai kung. But then on hindsight, it would probably be worse still doing failure driving and staying in semb camp. Well, thats army for you. Worse or Worst.

Anyway, going back to unit was so bad! Oh, the monotony and boringness. Never ever thought that I was going to say that sitting around in army really suxs, and i am not going to say it as of yet, but I am pretty close to it. Sitting around and trying to look busy to avoid work is really tough and time really pass so slow it is stationary.

But on the brighter side, i get to book out and go home everynight to do stuff like blog this. Also waking up at 7.30 is a real bonus. Hehe. Anyway. Discovered so many scholars in my unit. Got a Psc scholar that came back to serve after disrupting and an A*star scholar and a gifted programme kid whose dad is the dean of ntu or something! Feel like shit there but the Psc scholar is feeling worse i guess. Coming back to serve 1 more year after 4 blissful years must be hell.. See Xq!

Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.

P.S well done fag.

Pass..

2005-07-01T05:20:00.000-07:00

First thing 1st. I passed my Class4 driving test... So I am offically a driver, albeit a SAF one. But better than nothing.. Haha, so glad to pass for 2 main reason. 1 for my dear instructor Aziz to get his bonus, he deserves it and thanks to him and 1 for the burden off my shoulders. I feel so much at ease now not to mention that i get to stay out(the reason why i can blog now).

Also had my island wide driving but really quite a bad omen. My first driving trip after i pass my test and my tire blew!!! Can hardly believe it myself. Looks like i used up all my luck. Anyway, kinda sad that my fellow signal buddies haven passed their driving yet. I dun wanna go back earlier to sai kung alone k! So good luck and pass guys.

Have to congragulate jason too. 96boxs of nachos on 1st day, well i am impressed though i guess its all your secret admirers ordering by the dozens. Too bad u haven tell me who is that special gal yet. So tell me soon k... Good that u persevre when u 1st fail. I am sure u can succeed in most stuff that u do if u focus and perservre. ADs and fledging biz. Guess next Dota is on u dude ;)

To xq, congrats too and enjoy your life while u can! HAHA! Anyway anyone qualified for medicine sure can handle the work load. Gona miss you loads too. Believe me if i dun at least try to keep myself chirpy in uniform, i'll go pretty insane. But sometimes when i look stone means that i am kinda brooding or depressed. Guess we're gona be mostly keeping in touch by blog so dun slack on ur blog too k... Meanwhile, hope that u can tone down on your bitchness.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

Not Another Test....

2005-06-25T19:26:00.000-07:00

So its been pretty long since i blogged but its okie. No much pple goin to read it but then even if only just 2guys are goin to read it, i do have a commitment to keep it as updated as humanely possible as a NSF.

So since last post till now, i have pretty much been driving and driving and driving... Driving a 3ton is a real pain. Its sluggish, big, unresponsive and loves to stall. Or maybe i am just a bad driver. Anyway, coming up on tuesday is my driving test, of which i have 8times to pass, and then pretty much i am a licensed SAF driver. Oh joy.

Anyway, guess i'll be inspired by the movie Initial D I watched yest, gonna try my tonner drifting so you better get outta the way and forget about overtaking me. Pretty good show and had a pretty good time yesterday. Left house at abt 4. Reached home at 3am... 11hours so fast, unlike in army... Saw quite a bunch of nice-looking gals, unlike in army.

Felt great spending time with frens hanging out and getting to see a coupla of sweet gers. Am i easily satisfied or what. When is ORD god. Anyway, am feeling pretty sad that one of my better signal buddy in my driving course is gonna leave and i am gonna wish him all the best.

Thats life for you. Suck it up.
Life is too short for traffic

P.S weijie good luck, go get what u deserve. If not then juz pia thru.

No Pride No Glory

2005-06-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

Hmm...2wks already. seems so far away and so long ago but its isn't really. Anyway have been doing driving these past 2wks.... learnt to drive the landrover(a.k.a Car) and moving on to tonner(a.k.a truck) next week. Hopefully i don't squash no one... Especially those bicycle riders on the road.... But can't say I am not tempted, those bitches....Haha

Anyway, I think driver is like the most looked down vocation...no pride no glory, even my Dad say that driver is not for A lvl student one... Even the in-charge of the driving school came to gave us a talk to ra-ra us coz he thinks that we dun wanna be a driver and its sort of low class... So no pride no glory indeed.... Sad rite

But then, for my frens and me, we all abit bluur. Driving not good meh.? At least i come out wif a license... Even if u dig 1million and 1 fire trench u don't even get a bloody rusty changkol(a.k.a shovel). So try to think not how the army is using you but think how u can make use of the army to your advantage even if its the slightest eh.

So, to all those in specs and officers, thanks for doing the honor, you guys have to rush the mountain and someone has to do the driving, so why not me.

To dear 42up weijie. It only seems like Tomorrow will never come, then its yesterday.
Cheers up.!

Another Phase

2005-05-29T04:40:00.000-07:00

Ok so I am pretty much writing to myself and to my dear 42UPpers. Well, isn't that enough of a reason to do so?

Anyway, looks like my army life is just no as settled as i think. Now i am going for my driving course for the next 5wks. Well, i seem to dislike change and hope i can overcome that apprehension to it.

Anyway, at least i am finally doing or learning something really useful in the Army. I mean other than driving or flying, there isn't really a skill that u learn in the Army that is useful in your normal civilian life...
Learn GPMG or driving. The choice is obvious.

Anyway, finally settled the stupid University issue. Chose Accountancy. Guess thats what i prefer doing more and i guess prehaps i knew it all along la. So, now that i am over and done with this issue, i guess i am pretty much more at ease now..... Still i hope...

Anyway, its my b'dae round the corner... Happy B'dae to ME!!!

Why?

2005-05-23T00:55:00.000-07:00

As I blog this post, i am also wondering why i am doing so since there prolly isn't anyone reading at all but myself... But then, i guess i'll write coz i got nothin better to do and prehaps when i read back i will feel much better that i had had such a horrible and gone through it or so i hope...

Finally my signal course is finished, 9wks. Nothing in the Army is fun but this was certainly more bearable and pleasant than those 9wks in Tekong. Signals make Tekong feel hell and Tekong makes signal feels like heaven. Nuff said.

So, posted to 163squadron... Was quite sad that i got posted there coz i wanted to be back at signals instituite...8-5. But well, looks like nothing is ever going my way this year, prehaps i should get the pope to bless me and i still wonder if thats enuff...

But then Airforce isn't that bad i heard.... Kinda slack, might get airforce uniform and might even get abit more pay...haha..... But i am still holding out hope for a stay out vocation. I mean more than half my platoon got a stay out...So unfair!
That would be the culmination of my NS life. A stay out vocation...

Well guess i'll update myself nxt time on the outcome....

P.S juz completed FF8! ^^

The Same Feeling again.

2005-05-07T23:06:00.000-07:00

So its been a long time since i last post... Life has pretty much come to a standstill.... Still its preferbly better than an exciting chiong-sua life..
I like my life simple(for army at least)...Thank you.

Too bad, its coming to an end, my time at the signal instiutite and probably i'll be off somewhere to chiong-sua. God, I hope I can remain there as an instructor... I don't see any other better place but then with the luck i am getting lately. I wonder.

So, got all my Uni postings or should i say rejection. Nus rejected me 4 Chem Engine n put me into Electrical instead. Ntu was slightly nicer, they accepted me for my 1st choice, Accountancy.

Now I have no idea of where to go now or which to accept. I really wanted to get into chem engine coz at least i would haf a piece of mind of where to go but now I really don't.
Its hard but i can't feel like I am disappointing alot of people. My parents and my teachers.
I guess i had quite some expectations riding on me and i screwed up big time with all the fault mine.

My parents do try to sound encouraging but I know they feel that Electrical engineering is soooo common in singapore and probably half the singapore population is in some form of electrical engine or another...For Ntu, well, juz being Ntu is bad enough for them. I guess no ones want to go to a supposedly second grade Uni in their eyes. Not excluding parents too.

For my teachers, i wonder if i could face them again without looking down on myself. So i am not that special, i am not that smart... I am just a normal mediocre person deluding myself all the way i guess... Of course everyone thinks or at least hope they are special but I know for one I am not....

So heading back to camp now and feeling really lousy. I hope I would be enlightened and know wat course i should go to... Sometimes i tell God, after all this prehaps you could at least give me a clearer indication of where to go and what to do... Well, prehaps i don't even deserve that.

Everything so blurry....Wanna apologies to everyone.

Not much to say really.

2005-04-16T23:48:00.000-07:00

Pretty much mundane life... Options in life really limited now I guess.... Everyone seems to be like pretty much straight As...except me... well...

Lots of my frens seems to have stopped blogging now... Prehaps just a lost of interest really...
I feel pretty tired now.. Army, Army, Army....

We all have equal rights, just different priviledges....Aka Meritocracy

Of Dashed dreams and hopes.

2005-04-09T07:53:00.000-07:00

Got some relatively bad news lately. Apparently my overseas University application is not going well at all... Pretty much wait 4 what NUS gives me but that is a big question mark... I really dunno how but to wait for my fate. Its pretty much out of my hands. Too late for regrets, its my fault i understand....

Was platoon i/c for the past few days. Finally realised why i am not cut for Sispec or Ocs and stuff... Guess i got a responsibilty aversion or probably i worry too much over too many things...

Really, i wonder when people say that each of us have our own strenghts, i can't seem to know mine... Guess I am just average... Always try to think that one is special but then, not everyone can be special or otherwise, no one is special.... But then there is always this hope....

Book out on friday nite, guess life in signals is not that bad, your buddies make all the difference... I was at Lot1 with jason and we were eating yami yoghurt at like 3bucks each and then we saw 4 bangla workers buying Mac ice-cream at 25cents each and they were sitting in the open field on the grass in a small circle eating and i couldn't help but envy their moment of peacefullness and fulfillment... I need something so exp to keep myself satisfied while the 4 of them were juz so contented out there in the field eating ice-cream cone.... Sometimes u just wish things were different.

One thing really made my day out of all these troubles... Saw a girl I liked since primary school and when I saw her I knew I still liked her alot... And she waved to me.... Haha! For one moment it couldn't sink in... Hard to describe but we all know it...

She's still prettiest. :)

...And all the roads we take are Winding, And all the lights that guide us are Blinding...

If this goes on....

2005-04-03T01:06:00.000-08:00

Another week pass and the end doesn't seem any close than before..really. Life still pretty much the same and it seems that nothing in life has really been resolved.

Still worried about my University application and wonder if i am able to get into an Australian Uni to study... Wish I can come to an conclusion and leaving nothing in limbo....

Glad to be booking out on friday and so far its ok.. Wonder if its going to get any tougher... I hope not. Lotsa lessons. Sorta like school... With tests and u know how i feel about tests....

Glad to hear that the rest of the yuppies my age are going to BMT this thurs...!!!! WAHAHA.... Haf fun guys... Life as you know is not gonna be the same for better or for the worst...

But then I am booking in tonight again. And i feel really sian about it. Although its more slack and everything i guess i just don't like Army life one bit... Prehaps its the lack of close friends or something but I hope like my Dad says, i will learn to enjoy it soon... I hope its true but from what i see...Not really.

Till then....

I don't wanna lead an Army life, I just wanna lead a Simple life

Guard duty Revelations

2005-03-27T03:50:00.000-08:00

My last attempt at writing a blog before I am gone again. Good thing about signals is that we get to book in at like almost 10pm and its pretty near my house, well at least compared to Tekong. Sorry people still stuck in Tekong. And I get to book out on friday night. It might no be much but it makes a hell of a difference. Friday night and Saturday morning is like heaven or hell. At least for NS men.
Phew. Sispec n Ocs. No Thnks.

Anyway, had guard duty since yesterday morning till today's morning... Thank God its over and no more guard duty for 9wks. Guard duty is hell, walking around and around in circles for 12hours. It ain't no fun.... Had 12hours to think and do nothing also... And realised a couple of things...

Firstly, I am Fat. Haha. 2 different people asked if I was from obese company.... Pretty much i was deluding myself that i was not fat all along..HAHA. Ok, maybe its alittle morale busting but guess i am gonna haf to work hard on it... Just wonder how I am gonna accomplish it with full lecture timetable in Signals.

Secondly. I wanna go overseas to study.... But more on that next time... Hafta book in soon..GTG.

We are the Unwilling, doing the Unwanted, serving the Ungrateful.

Hmm Signals.

2005-03-25T06:44:00.000-08:00

So was posted to sigs camp... 1st day there was really depressing. Really quite a sad time for me. Felt so hopeless n lousy thinking of myself, Bad result, poor fitness being a man stuck here...
I even kept a dairy to keep myself sane.

The place wasn't that bad actually, lotsa lectures, not much fitness training but on the 1st day i felt really lonely there. I guess because it was my 1st time there and i knew no one there. Kept to myself and let the depression grow n sink in.... Remember myself sitting on the 2nd floor waiting for my pc interview and feeling really sad. Look out into the field and imagining the freedom. It just all adds up.

It did get better at night coz you know a day is over and u can have a good slp. I now really treasure my sleep.... Got better to the last few days coz book out was so near... Got to know some bunk mates and raised morale abit higher.... Had a better PT session. Mainly coz i wasn't the weakest there and the training, how should i say, more suited to me coz it was more of build up rather than max out... So i felt abit better.

Well, have guard duty on sat. Book in at 7am book out on Sun 7am and back in on Sun 10pm.

Thats army for you... Till then....

P.S. To 42uppers... Sry, did not spend much time with you guys... Hope u'll understand.

Back to Army

2005-03-19T20:47:00.000-08:00

So, 12days of free time over. back to Army. Signals. Better be slack.

If you let me live 2yrs shorter n skip this phase. Guess i'll seriously consider it.

Heck, i'll take it. LOL.

Lost in Life

2005-03-18T05:51:00.000-08:00

So posting is out and come Monday I am back to Army life. In Signals. A little disappointed i din get into command sch bcoz of the pay but i guess its alright as a signal opr as long as its slack. It better be slack. Hopefully i'll get some time to learn stuff like driving, guitar and probably some night course. Surely it would be a better ns life than being a mountain-rusher.

Anyway, even with the posting out, A lvl result out and everything I kinda feel lost. Dunno how to describe it.... muted/lost?
Applied for Uni course but really I don't even know what i want. Probably wanna go overseas to study. Really aimless living here. Live day by day and hopefully it all passes quickly to my ORD. The light at the end of this 2yr tunnel. Then at least i can get some direction in life or at least have something to do... I hope.

Quite frankly, i miss studying. My parents i-told-u-so. I finally understand. Studying is simple, no responsibilites except passing a couple of small test that u-fail-but-its-ok type. Now it seems like every step i take is having a massive impact. My Uni courses. My Army vocation.
Am i ready for it? Don't think so, prehaps thats why i feel so lost or blur. Hope its just a phase that passes. This is without doubt the worst time in my 18yr history.

Life can be so much better or so much worse. Probably u think i am just whiny now. Prehaps I am but simply u don't wanna be in my shoes. Halfway here or there, neither here nor there.
You tell me. I wish someone would just sit down with me and explain all my options and what I can do or simply tell me my path in life. I simply have no idea now. I am just waiting and waiting.

Waiting for monday to come, waiting for what-the-hell-is-signal, waiting to be posted again, waiting for uni reply. Waiting for everything. Prehaps life is a big wait. Wait for what? I have no idea.

Everyone dies, but not everyone really lives.

The Past Few Days

2005-03-09T03:51:00.001-08:00

In case you were wondering why i did not blog these few days were bcoz, as my fren said, some things are better left not said or blogged.

Well, in any case life goes on. So, got back my A'level results. Pretty bad. ABBB B4. Was really disappointed. Seeing the whole stack of Bs my heart really sank. Went out of the hall immediately to call my parents and almost cried on the phone. Cry bcoz of the poor results and bcoz I know that my parents had high expectations of me and I failed to live up to it. Sad that I have disappointed my parents who have really cared n loved me so much. Even now, although I know they are disappointed, they are still as encouraging n loving as ever. Prehaps this is what all parents do or prehaps i would be lucky to be half as good a parent as my own ones. Prehaps. Prehaps. Prehaps.

For myself, i did not really feel v.sad although everyone was getting As. Or prehaps i did not know what course i wanted to take myself and what results i needed. Or maybe, i was just too blur about anything to know the consequence of my result and how i ought to respond. But like i said, ever since i entered the Army, life has been a blur. There are no more mondays or sundays, just days. 1day, 2day. Either bookout or book in.

Feel like a speaker being soundproofed.

Murphy's Law. Failed IPPT by 1 pullup. Flunked SOC like a girl. At least I POPed ok. Life just seems worst and Man Utd is out of Champions league. Nothing going right it seems. I even have to book in tommorrow on my block leave all the way back to Tekong to re-do my pull-ups. Pretty much I am just a tired loser now. But i don't really feel a thing. Prehaps i am just too jaded to even feel. Life just goes on.

I did pray alot though. For my results, for my ippt. Sometimes i wonder where GOD is and what kind of life I am supposed to live really. Feel life is just so unfair, how could someone who studied so much less yet do so much better. Why must it be me that screws up every single thing. From academic to physical. So whats left?
Still, I believe, if GOD brings us to it, he will get us through it. I am still thankful for my family, my frens and myself. Prehaps this is what all losers say to console themselves. Prehaps I am all to blame.
I know GOD is always there for me no matter what.

I just pray everything will go on smoothly for me but i know that my chances are half-chance and so are everybody's else.

Prehaps, prehaps, prehaps.

The End and the Beginning

2005-02-26T10:06:00.000-08:00

The days are drawing to a close indeed. Pop is in about a weeks time and of course A LEVELS results are coming out in about the same time...

The freaking out is really starting to get to me. Prehaps in Army you just don't have the time to worry about it but i can start to feel freaking out. Make or break, do or die. End or the beginning. I know i really really need to do well here. Come next week and i'll be posting the real good news. Good news that overrides almost about everything else. Or prehaps it may be bad.

I wouldn't know what to do then.

So, Army life for the previous week was Ippt test. Failed but i think i should be able to pass it soon. Got about 4-5pullups. Had Range. Passed. Quite interesting to shoot really. SOC. Failed. Dear, i can't even clear the damn low wall. Not a really good week as u can see. But it doesn't matter. Its A lvls result soon. Its creeping up and i can feel it.

So i can pretty much say my Bmt is reaching its end. Still got some lame games day where i have to bring props and perform skits. I mean what the ****. So much for the Army huh. Plz.
Just let me book out. I never understand why some old foggies always think that games day is something we enjoy and letting us go home is boring and we hate it. Well, like they say 'this the Army'. Nuff said.

Another of my 42up fren started a blog too. So i guess all 42up have a blog. Maybe when we're 42 we'll all review it and get a hell of a good laugh from it. Sometimes fren makes NS so much more bearable especially when u think of frens stuck in COMMANDOS and in Ninja wif some frickin sarge. Of coz bunkmates too. They help one hell lot.

Realised that once u say something is a test, it takes the fun out of everything. Prehaps we've been to psychoed to think of test as some kind of judgement on everything you are or not. Shooting and Soc is pretty fun but really saying it is a test gets my palms all wet and it just stresses me. I can't wait to get away from test but then again, this Singapore.

So probably the nxt time i write again i could probably tell u happier news and my A lvl results. If not, check the obiturary..

Test and Results

2005-02-19T18:50:00.000-08:00

Seems like test are an unavoidable truth for human life in Singapore. Yes even in the frickin Army.
Well, 2wks left to end of BMT.... and also A's Result. Hope, fear and anticipation.

But even more (de)pressing. Ippt test coming up and I can't fricking pass. Worse case scenario. Recourse my damn BMT. I know I'll die if i do that. Going through all the road marches, field camp and all the shit again and the shame and how the hell am i going to face my parents. Haix. Steroids prehaps. I am desperate to pass. Prehaps that is even and understatment. I'll train my hell best and i hope that is enough. Prehaps God has some other plan.

So SIT test over. No more field camps left and POP in 2wks. Glad its gonna be over soon and i can't wait to move on from BMT. I juz wanna settle into a vocation and lead a simple life till my ORD date. I just can't wait. But good A lvl result is a prerequisite.

Frankly, there isn't much to stay. I am just stuck in a phase in NS. Stuck in time. 2yrs floating around in ether.
This week was pretty bad though. Booking in on Sat nite was just depressing. 12klick road march and SIT test was hell. I was walking and hallucinating drinking chocolate milk and coke on ice. Well, at least it kept me going. Looking back i may say it was ok, but seriously at that moment in time it was pure hell. U know why Constantine is do desperate to get to heaven after being through hell. Same here. Everything looks easier once they have been done eh.

Seems like i am boring everyone with my sad Army life. But that is the state of things. I wish life was much better for me or prehaps i am making it worse than what it should be. But then again, that is also the state of things.

Wish i had a clock to fastforward time 2years ahead but in the mean time i am drinking Chocolate milk and Coke on ice.

Pride.... Can eat?

2005-02-11T17:01:00.000-08:00

Book in on Sat, crap. Seems like i am the only company booking on Sat while the rest do so on Sunday. Well life is never fair.

These few days of Chinese New Year were really hazy. Seems like i am living in a blur but thankfully restored some order into life chillin out with 42up(to be explained in some point of time). Have no idea of what i am actually doing with my life now. Simply waiting and waiting for something to happen. Hope i'll be able to settle in soon.

Feels like writing an obiturary everytime I blog cause it will be in a couple of hours before I book back in to Tekong again. Seriously, army is really depressing, for me at least. I'll never have a long break and all my breaks are at most 1-2days long. Book out today and tmr, I'm back in. Its really terrible.

Heard that the A lvls results coming out sometime before March 4TH. Certainly more than some rumour coz the Army told us that. Well, big brother knows everything.
A lvls. 18years of life spent studying for it. Make or break, do or die. Everything i have ever done and will ever do will probably depend on this result. It is really sad that it all have to boil down to this, even my Army life. I need good results. Period

So, SIT test and probably range coming up. Hopefully i'll be back on Friday night but then again, this is the Army. Really worried about my fitness too. Its really poor and there is a real chance i could fail ippt. I really hope theres no need to recourse if i fail. Prehaps just that i can't get into commanders school. Well, what the hell do i need to get into OCS or Sispec for? Pride?
I'll just miss out on my admin spec. Frankly, i don't care now.

Till next time. In meanwhile pray hard and God bless. Aways

Of Roses and Oranges

2005-02-07T23:46:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese New Year. Greetings from the Tekong boy or Son of Singapore or whatever propoganda u wanna call.

Since this is new year, I'll simply just tell a story and write something more interesting later on.

So, here goes. This is the story of the Roses.

There was this poor single mum and her son and they led a hard life. They suffered much but the mum worked long and hard and got her child through to university. So, the son got through university and was soon looking for a job. However, times were hard and the only place the son could get a job was 200km away in the neighbouring town.
So the son went to work in the neighbouring town and rented a place to stay in. A year passed and soon a second year passed as well and the son had done settled in resonably well but the mother and son hardly met as the son was busy with his career and 200km was still a long distance. Soon, the mother's birthday had come and the son was thinking what he ought to do.
He realised that his mum loved roses and so he decided to mail a boquet of roses for his mother's b'dae through a florist.
So, the son went to the florist to place the mail order. At the florist shop he saw a little girl crying and so he went up to her and asked why she was crying. The little girl replied that she was crying because she did not have money to buy flowers for her mother. Thus, the son took pity on the little girl and paid for her flowers and offered the girl a lift. The girl gratefully accepted the gift but rejected the ride.
So, the son and the girl left on their on seperate paths. On the way back, the son saw the little girl again and insisted on offering her a lift. So, the girl accepted and directed the young man down an isolated path in the forest. Bewildered, the son just followed. Soon, they reached a clearing and the girl got out of the car and ran with the flowers to a mound and placed the flowers there and started crying.
The girl's mother had just passed away and the girl was v.sad that she did not even had money to buy some flowers for the grave.
Seeing this, the son canceled the mail order for the flowers and drove all the way back to see his mum without the flowers.

So here ends the story.

No relation to CNY? Well, after some time in the Army, u really miss yours parents and what a story to say.

The story of the Oranges. Secret.

Rush to wait, Wait to rush.

2005-02-05T18:39:00.000-08:00

So its been another 2wks. Nothing really changed though. I still don't like Army life. Well, at least another 2wks have passed and i am another 2wks closer to the end of Army life

My fitness is really poor. Fail a couple of events in my IPPT test. Quite bad. But i am confident i can at least pass a couple of them in time. But my pullup. Haix.
I hope the Army can really train me up to do it. I don't mind going home later than the rest to train my fitness. But i really mind not being able to go home at all. After all I am there to train my fitness but i do still need to go home to survive psychologically.

Anyway, gotta update u guys about my Army life right. After all Army is my life now(like i got a choice). So couldn't book out last weekend coz i got a fricking Field Camp. 7days of hell. Now i realise why girls don't do NS. I think they will juz freakout from simply applying Camo cream.
7days of camo cream. It was BAD. Also, imagine hanging your shirt soaked in sweat and mud onto your tiny barsha(tent) and wearing it next morning at 5am still soaked in sweat and mud.
It wasn't just cold.
Thank God there was no rain. Or it would be like drought season in hell. U know. From bad to worse.

I guess the happiest thing in my life now is probably the bookout. Its kinda like when the school bell rings to signal the end of school and u rush out to play. Something like that just many times better. I always enjoy the trip back from Tekong to mainland. I'll just stare out of the window of the boat and enjoy that moment. It is always so much more beautiful.

I always tend to thing that the happiest time comes from the process of going to do something u really enjoy. Like the trip to lanshop on Saturday mornings during my sec sch days. I always enjoyed meeting up with my friends early at like 7 and taking the bus there together. The trip there on the best is always the part I enjoy the most. The thought of going to do something you really enjoy and spending that time with your friends. Its not the time when i really play the lan that i enjoy the most. Maybe its just me.

Ok, so this blog seems pretty dry. I apologise. Army life has really numbed me quite abit. Probably going through the stages of my depression. From denial at going to army to anger to dunnoe what now.

Well, at least i'll be back on Tues. Probably be in a better mood to write something nicer. Till then. Cheers and God Bless

P.S. When u get to Tekong and stuck in field camp, take a look up into the sky.

Island of Blood, Sweat and Tears

2005-01-22T05:37:00.000-08:00

So i am back from the island called Tekong. God am i glad to be home. Never appreciated home that much and well frankly, Tekong isn't fun, at all.

They say people mature in NS. Its True. Take me from example. I used to grumble and say how bad Army is and how it should be burnt at the stake.
But now, i have moved on to saying how sad life is in the army and how it should be burnt at the stake. Quantam leap. Hell yea.

Anyway, i'll be back there in like 20hours time. I really feel depressed about it. Really, like some small primary school kid dreading going back to school on Monday. Well, except that i am going in back on Sunday night and school is fun.

I do miss school. Primary school wasn't that great for me. Sec sch was the best time of my life coz i meet my best frens there and etc etc. Jc was pretty tuff but still fun. I'll elaborate on school life some other time. My time is limited. NSF have limited time.

So for the past two weeks i was in Tekong. Bravo Company. Platoon 1. Section 4.
The first few days were hell. I missed home terribly. When i called my mum, my mum was abt to cry and well i am not ashamed to say i was closer to tears than i ever was in years. It was only during the 2nd day when i wake up that u realise that you are really here in Tekong land.

Like a Nightmare. Just worse. It isn't just a dream.

Simply put, NS life is like in jail. Think again. Maybe not.
How about slave mine? Thats some what closer. In a slave mine u wake up real early and work real hard till theres sweat coming out and mud going in. And of course u get punished for every single mistake.
Now, does that sound familiar or what. You bet.

Thankfully my bunks mates are a fine lot. Don't know much about them yet but i have a feeling i can get along with them real fine. My sargents are pretty fine too. They are really nice people. Probably someone like me that is simply an instructor. My Platoon Sargeant is the tuff one. But he's quite a joker. Just don't piss him off.
Regulars are a wierd bunch. Well, u got to be quite wierd to sign on if u ask me.

Got home on Thurs evening. It was a great feeling. Actually the ferries at Tekong are not exactly worse than than the Flying Dutchman. It just depends on which direction you are heading. Well, life is just like that. Its not how you are going, its where u are going to.
Its true. Like A lvls. It don't matter how u study, it only matters where you go with your results. Go figure.

So prehaps now u can tell that Tekong is not fun. In case u still can't tell plz knock your head on your monitor 10times and read again.
Got it? Yup, thats the way.

A member of my 42up groupie also got a blog. Said it was to counter my blog. Well, some people say the best form of flattery is imitation. I think so too.

Now i realise that i treasure home and time and my loved ones more. When i walk home, i now take a step slower and simply enjoy the fact that i am here able to walk home. When u go home next time, plz do slow do and appreciate the world around you. The cool weather, the trees, the people, the serenity of it all.
Also when i go out on the streets and look at the girls around i find each of them beautiful and prettier.
Despo, don't think so. My heart has never moved for a girl since i left sec sch.

So heres ends my blog. I'll be back again. In prehaps 2wks time. Hope u see a happier me and i'll see a happier you too. Cheers.

Theres no bad day, only a bad attitude and a bad place called tekong and a bad thing called NS.

Disc2

2005-01-05T08:08:00.000-08:00

Ok so i din see Rinoa today but at least i met up wif my frens. Who needs Rinoa when u got frens like mine. I suppose the things that i am gonna miss are really my parents, my frens and even my dog. And of course my bed. But my computer and ps. Well, i don't miss them. Have i grown up? Hopefully.
At least theres no girlfren to worry about.

Haiz, so i am going in soon. Looks like one part of my life is ending and another part is starting. Moving on to disc2. Looks like another Boss fight of a different sort. The others being the Exams and the As and Os. Hopefully i defeat that A lvl boss.

Been to so many 'farewell' meetings lately. Looks bleak but prehaps it is. Well, even my GP teacher msg me. I do feel so much better now. Thanks Ms Sng, u nvr fail to encourage me and i will nvr fail to appreciate you.
How many good teachers can u meet in your life afterall.

Speaking of teachers i juz wanna wish a couple of them like Mr wee, Mr Lim, Ms song all the best as they move on from Fairfield. U were simply great. God bless. Thanks Mr Wee for thinking the best of me and pushing me.

I really hope that i could enjoy NS and not think of it as the end of the world, which is what i am doing now. Its inevitable and hope i can at least derive some joy from it. But then again i guess its all gonna depend on the A lvl. Some people tell me NS is like chalet, some say its like OBS and some say its like Hell.
I wonder.

I hope sometime in the future when i look back on this blog, I am gonna find it funny and everything that has gone by were simply good memories and of course. a good laugh.

God Bless.

Mud on your face is our soil.

2005-01-04T09:37:00.000-08:00

Ok. 2 more days left and well nothing changed just my time just drew nearer. Rinoa is still bugging me and the tsunami has yet to wash tekong away. So in meantime i'll just pray and hope for the best.

Had class outing today. Boy it was fun. Thats probably the best way to sum it up i guess. Anyway, the guys were a revelation. Probably when your time draws near you start to treasure the things around you more. Playing game seems so superifical now.

Now onto my Gp style argument about NS. Firstly, 2years is a long time. Thats my 19 and 20year old gone. I could really do so much things with my time like reading a hell lot and travelling. Man, i love traveling. Sometimes i just think that life is all about traveling. Anyway thanks to NS, i'll be glad just to travel home.

2ndly. I can't stand someone shouting at me unless he's God, my parents or paying me heavily. Frankly i don't my supposed superior as really superior to me other than him having i silly stripe more. Frankly if not for jail, i wouldn't give a crap.
And i can say i am not patriotic. Look down on me or whatever but if u make NS voluntary, see how many patriotic young men will be joining. Only the threat of jail or something worse makes up the number in the army.

Anyway, i guess u are here to read the blog instead of hearing me rant. So, i guess i'll continue another time. Anyway, i really hope that when i come out, i'll be singing praises about NS and how slack it is. That its like a chalet. I really hope so coz that prolly means its really slack. HAHA. Ok, so i am a loser.

Hopefully i can really write a real blog and not just rant on and give some enjoyable insights one life but i simply not in the right mood now. Sry!

The Mud on your face is our soil. Well, its still mud and i have to wash it off my face.

Why? Where? When? Who?

2005-01-03T06:32:00.000-08:00

If not for the lack of tv for me to play my final fantasy 8.

Yes, Rinoa, i love you, stop hugging me, may i continue now dearie? ok thanks.

where was I. Oh, why the blog? Other than me missing Rinoa terribly is the fact, yes its a fact omg, that i am going in to army on Friday Jan07.

*Torturest screames and sad sobbing*

Army? 4years ago, i thought it was still 4years away, even 2months i thought it was 2months away. But where am i now. 3days left. If only my 2yrs of slavitude pass that quickly. But then i am not greedy just give me a good A level result and u can do whatever u wanna do to me in NS. Serious! and i still probably be smiling my way thru.

Frankly there is so much i wanna say about NS that i doubt google can catalogue it so take that you bunch of old fags that put NS into the law. Why don't u guys give it a shot yourself. 1 less vote for your fami-LEE i am afraid.
Probably as the days draw closer i'll give a more detail argument against NS. Gp style with examples.

Ok, why am i really writing this. Probably guess its bcoz i really have alot of opinions and guess i am looking for somewhere to say it without me getting ISA-ed.

So here i am, a fatalistic, jaded young man who has everything riding on his A lvl result. Didn't anyone tell you riding is dangerous. If i fall off i'll probably end up worse than christopher reeves without his millions.

When i was small, frankly i don't remember a thing about it but my mum said that i was a cute young boy who is more cute and less fat than now. Life suxs. Anyway i scrapped past my psle watching teletext and got into sec sch. There I understood the meaning of great power comes great responsibility and work minus the girls and money. U know y spiderman throws away his costume. I would have burnt it. So, i got my 10pts and enrolled into jc. Boy did i apply what i learn well... My cca result didn't turn out that bad after all. Too bad SAT was gone. But who cares. All they see is the As on your A lvl cert. Don't think so. Try it out but theres no save point to reload later i am afraid.
Prehaps i am the one making the big mistake but then we all gotta live with what we do. At that moment in time when we made that decision, we all thought it was the best and prehaps the correct one. Did we not?
And thats where the story ends with me sitting and typing this blog out. I'll go more into my life's sidequests, battles, bossfights and more next time.

Are the fences and barb wires to keep the enemy out? Or to keep me in?